Update

1 Day shy of 24 weeks and we are still baking!! Its day 7 of our hospital stay and it really hasn’t been that bad outside of the earthquake we had a few days back haha no seriously I thought my bed was going to fall over.

 I am happy to report I have only had 1 good break down that came yesterday after our ultra sound. Those two little girls have my whole heart they were kicking each other back a forth it was so cute. The Ultrasound tech got a good laugh she said “those two are really going at it.” Once she left I just lost it. I let myself have a good cry and then I told myself to get it together.

The specialist came in to give me an update on what they seen yesterday on the scan. Both of the girls are in the 50^th percentile which he said is perfect not to big not too small. The both weigh a little more than a pound in a half. He said they both have grown as they should since last week. My cervical length did shorten a little more but there is still some left and that’s what matters. I asked him what the chances of me delivering this week are. His answer was pretty veg. He said there is no real way of telling I could deliver today or I could deliver 3 months from now! Thanks Doc!! I’m going to go with the 3 months from now.

Yay I finally have Internet in my room!! So a little update on what landed me in the hospital. On Monday I went in for a check up with my OB when he went to check my cervix as soon as it pooped up on the screen I knew it wasn't good. He did a quick measurement and said I need you to go to Labor and Delivery so, off I went. I was there a few hours when I was told that the Perniatoligist was not in and wouldn't be in until tomorrow so I was to go home and come back and see her on Tuesday. I asked if I was going to have these babies any time soon they said no. So on Tuesday we went in for an appointment with a Perniatoligist. She did a cervical length scan and showed that it had shortened since Monday this is not what we wanted to hear. She told me she would be admitting me and sending in the NICU Dr. to let us know are options. To say it was hard would not even begin to explain the emotions. Thankfully Nick was there to ask all the important questions. He let us know that they do not do anything to save the babies before 25 weeks unless at our request. He than told us about the chances of survival and sever and minor disabilities. He than left us to talk if we were going to ask them to try everything to save our babies they were going to be transferring me to a different hospital that supports babies born before 28 weeks. He left us to discuss what we wanted to do he let us know that nothing we decided was set in stone but if we felt we would possibly want them to intervene if born now I should be transferred he than left me and Nick to talk. When he walked out Nick looked at me and just cried I have never seen Nick look so lost. We both just cried we gathered are selves and tried are best to discus are option we decided we wanted to be transferred. Than thing got interesting they let us know that there were 3 hospitals in the area that supported babies born before 28 weeks one was in our city another was an hour away and another about an hour and a half. They told us the would request the one in our city but there was no way of telling which would have a bed available for twins. I just prayed and prayed it would be the one in our city. My poor husband is going through so much I didn't even want to think of him having to drive a few hours round trip just to see me. It was about 1 in the morning when we found out we would be transferred to the hospital in our city. Thank God!!! So at 2 in the morning I experienced my first ambulance ride its no fun ladies!!

When I got to the new hospital room I realized I went from the Marriott to Motel 6 haha but its OK I'm close to my Hubby and family!

So here I lay, literally! Ever so thankful for each day that passed and my little lovies are still inside baking. We had are break down and now we are ready for a fight. All I can control is my attitude and DAMN IT, I am going to stay positive my little ladies are fighters! After a rough round of IVF and the possibility of the whole thing being scrapped these two have fought and I owe it to them to do the same! Thank you ladies for all your support it really means so much to me and my hubby!

23weeks 3 days!! Bake Babies Bake!!

Everyday matters!!

Well ladies Im in the hospital!! Ive been here since Tuesday and it doesnt look like I will be going home until my little lovies make thier apperance!! Lets pray thats a long long time from now! Tuesday was one of the hardest days me and the Hubby have ever had. Meeting with the NICU Dr we were asked questions no parents should ever have to answer. At this point all we can do is keep faith and stay postive. I am feeling positive today I really am trying to stay in a good place. I gave the girls a good talking to and let them know they cant join the party just yet. I will save all the details for another post Im doing this from my phone and its making things a little tricky!!

22 weeks!!

Guess who got dressed and put on some makeup today?? This girls!!!  Yes it was for a Dr appointment but it was beautiful out today so it was nice to get out of the house!!

OB appointment went good today. No changes to the cervix it still measured around 2.5 at its shortest and 2.8 at its longest. This works for me of course I wish it had gotten a little longer but it didnt get shorter so Im good! Babies looked good both were moving and shaking the whole time! My Doctor told me I can go out for a few hours this weekend as long as Im not walking so, I think me and the hubby are going to go register. Im a little nervous about this but, I really believe we are going to bring these little lovies home. I might actually be a little/a lot excited about it! In other good news I think we have names picked out but I will save those for another post!

Since I actually got dressed today we got take a belly shot! I'm looking huge and loving

 every second of it!

21weeks 6days & still baking!

Sorry it was so long between post. My first week of bed rest I boycotted the internet because Dr. Google was pretty much the Devil and had me in tears. Than our internet went down and I really wasnt in the mood to deal with it. .

Like the title says we our 21 weeks 6 days and still cooking so that's great news. I never really said why I was in Labor and Delivery a few weeks back. So I will sart there. After my OB appointment were I was told that my cervic had shortened I was prescribed Endometrin a lovely suppository and strict bed rest this was on a Thursday. Sunday morning I woke up and had a gush of discharge, I mean wet through my underwear, pj's and on to the bed sheets I freaked out called my OB and he sent me to L & B. The L&D OB came in and said she was concerned my water had broke. I was a complete mess. Thankfully it didnt and all the liquid was a reaction to the suppository. She did a cervix length scan and told me it was a 2.3 (not good) it was 2.9 just a few days earlier. Of course I started to cry and then the nice Dr. looked at me and said just relax at this point there is nothing me or you can do to change the outcome it they come they come. I mean seriously!! Im so over rude Dr's! I understand they need to be honest but is a little compassion to much to ask for? The next few days were pretty much a blur. I just felt numb. I had lost my faith. It was just such a reminder that my body is out of my control its like its not even my body. It brought all of are struggles right to the surface.

I have had 3 appointments since than 2 with my OB and 1 with the Perniatoligist we also had our 20 week scan. There hasn't been much change in the cervical length department but it has been ranging from 2.5 to 2.7 at each appointment which is good news. Our scan went great and both babies are right on target everything looked good with both. Baby B was a little deep in my abdomen so they couldn't get a clear picture of her spine so I will go back next week for that. The appointment with the Perniatolgist went good he was really positive he talked to me for over and hour. He let me know why he would not do a cerclage and after our talk I agree with him. He had a lot of great information and I left feeling a little more confident. The only thing is as he walked out he said Im confident we will get you to 34 weeks!

34 weeks!! Thats only a little more than 12 weeks away. I pray Im one of those ladies that magically carries twins to 40 weeks. (A girl can hope) He has me drinking 2 protein shakes on top of my regular food intake to help with the babies growth. It has taken everything in me not to google the heck out of all of this. Im not though! If I want to keep any of my sanity I am going to stay away and stay as positive as possible! My next appointment is Wednesday and my anxiety has already started to creap in. Praying there hasnt been any changes in the cervical length department.


If you are still with me Thank You for listening and please keep us in your prayers!

Scared.

Im not sure were to even start this but I will say it has been a rough week. Apparently my OB new something I didnt a few weeks ago. When I went in to the office on Thursday he told me my cervix had shortened to 2.9 when I went in to Labor and Delivery on Sunday (Yes Labor and Delivery) the OB said his notes said 1.9. Im pretty sure I would have remembered 1.9. She said it was now 2.35 so do I freak out or feel better if it really was 1.9 than I should be happy if it was 2.9 this is awful there was only 3 days in between scans. My OB placed me on progesterone suppositories and strict bed rest. I just dont know if its working or not!!! Its ridiculous! I am a complete basket case. I asked the OB at Labor and delivery about putting in a Cerclage she said they dont do that with twins. Than she looked me dead in the face and said look if you are going to lose these babies there is nothing we or you can do now just go home and rest. Are you fucking kidding me!!!!! I was in such a world wind of emotions I swear in that moment I lost all faith. Is there really nothing that can be done? I mean come on just lay down and hope for the best? Give me a break I will be harassing my OB office once it opens and pray and pray these babies stay in and bake as long as they can!

Slight Break down

Ok let my start off by saying- Those of you that are expecting twins and are not passed your 20 week mark might not want to read this. My OB ever so kindly freaked the shit out of me yesterday (Pardon the language) and I don't want to add to any of your stress because I know we all have enough! Second Im going to say I really do like my Dr. Ok now on to the break down.

I had a check up with my OB yesterday and I was very calmly sitting in the cold office naked mind you. Well I guess I wasn't naked I had a snazzy gown on but I still felt naked. When my OB walked in and said your here and your pregnant! GREAT!  Follow by "you don't know how many twin pregnancy are lost during weeks 18-20 and for no real reason first some cramping than a little blood than BAM pregnancy lost!"

Ok seriously? A nice hello would of been just flippin fine!

Before I could even get a word out my legs were up in those lovely stir up and wandy was paying me a visit. Thankfully my cervix still looked perfect it measured at 3.5 once again. He didnt do a regular ultra sound so I just seen the bottom of one of my little lovies moving around.

After he was done with that he asked me if I was still working. I let him know that I was and he said "oh no, no more of that" You have about two more weeks and I am taking you off." Wait, what? I mean like for serious? I have to admit I was shocked, I mean I knew there was a chance to be taken out early but at 21 weeks? I asked him why. He told me he has seen to many complication pop up to quickly with twin pregnancy and stress has a lot to do with it and he does not want to risk it. He let me know he knew how hard we have worked for this and he is going to do everything he can to have us bring these babies home. He gave me his personal line to his office which if any of you lovely ladies have Kaiser you know this is not something Drs normally do.

Before I left he just reminded me that the next few weeks are crucial and he wanted me to take it easy whenever I could. Mind you he told me this after he told me he will be taking me off work in two weeks. I work for a non-profit residential facility for adolescent teens (we house about 70 teens) I am our Office Coordinator and I am pretty much the only person that does my job, which pretty much is all the paper work for the courts,social workers, probation officers, of our billing to the state and all prep work for audits and thats just half of it. Our big yearly audit is in May!! Ahhhh I am freaking it out just typing this out.

Lets say I wasnt prepared for this!!

These babies come first and I am going to follow Dr. orders I'm just not sure how I am going to take it easy the next few weeks while I am preparing to be away for my job for oh what 7-8 months!

I am just feeling completely overwhelmed and not really sure were to start I don't even want to go to the office on Monday!

Oh and it looks like I will be visiting my great OB office weekly now! Ok I'm rambling!

18 weeks

And the jaw/chest acne has returned!! Seriously, where is my glowing skin? The other day I told my husband “can you see all this acne on my chin, it’s crazy!” He said yeah I noticed maybe you should switch face wash. HAHA Wrong answer!!!

This last week has been a little uncomfortable there was so much stretching and pulling going on I was really freaking out and my tailbone has been really sore. I know I am making room for my growing babies so no complaints here! Thankfully sleep has been good my pregnancy pillow has been a life saver.

That weight is steadily coming on I’m up about 13 pounds. It really is taking some time for me to get comfortable with that growing number. I spent a year in half losing almost 90 pounds and seeing that number slowing creep up is a little scary. Of course I know it’s for the best reason ever and I would put all that weight back if that what my babies needed  but, I can’t lie it’s been difficult.

In the movement department I’m pretty sure around 10 in the morning they have a little dance party. Other than that I can’t really be sure. I’m pretty sure I can feel some occasional movement but I’m not positive.

Not too much going on in the food craving/food aversions. Other than I’m pretty sure I can never be in the same room as hummus again. It used to be one of my favorite snacks. L I’m waiting for these intense food craving women talk about, I’m sure they will come.

I still haven’t bought these little lovies one thing! I was asked yesterday what I have bought and I realized not one thing. Is this bad? Should I be shopping? It still scares me.

The only other real changes I noticed this week is my center of gravity is completely off. I used to be able to walk around my house in the dark. The other night I walked straight into the wall when I went to use the bathroom. I gave myself a good laugh at 3:00 in the morning.

My next appointment is this Friday I’m not sure if I will have an ultra sound or just have my cervical length checked. My fingers are crossed for an ultra sound. Here on out I will see my Dr. every two weeks!

This turned into a lot of rambling if you are still with me.  Happy Wednesday!

Not the best Picture but the Bump is growing!!!

Gender R.eveal!!

So sorry I didn’t update sooner. I know I have a few friends that lurk around my blog so I didn’t want to post anything until all of my family knew.

Our gen.ders reveal party was a blast. Unfortunately rain put a little damper on things and we were forced to move everything indoors but no big deal!

Here is a picture of the score board let’s say most of the family and friends were going with the 1 boy and 1 girl. Well they were wrong!

Drum roll please………..

Two Girls!!!

We are so excited!! To say the family was shocked we be a bit of an understatement! Nick comes from a long line of boys. His Grandfather was an only child and than they had two sons and they each had one son and Nicks cousin has a son. His grandma said she is still waiting until they are born! Haha don't get me wrong she was happy but she has some doubt. The whole family was thrilled my parents already have 7 grandchildren 5 boys and 2 girls so this brings the score a little closer! My 4 year old niece yelled out Girl power when she seen the balloons! I will try to post the video soon!

Ultrasound Pics...

Baby A

Baby B

My Two Lovies!!



Take Two!

So today is take two of our elective Ultrasound!! It’s not until this evening and I am all ready pretty antsy. I’m hoping this time the littles are a little more cooperative and lets us find out there genders!

Thank you for your comments yesterday, I am feeling much better and I am going to try really really hard to stay away from Dr. Google! This is just a thought but, there really should be a sight for only pregnancy stories that have a positive ending after a few scares! It should be the first thing that comes up in the search engine!

Oh and I’m pretty sure I felt some movement last night, I’m pretty sure I felt a wave go through my belly and than a few little taps. They were reassuring there mommy everything is ok!

And I was doing so good....

I had my 16 week check up this past Friday. Everything went good the babies look great and both have strong heartbeats around 150. The both moved plenty which made my Dr. happy. He felt around my stomach and said wow you are growing great. This made me happy. Than he checked my cervix he said it was nice and long and closed than he said it was 3.5cm. I asked him if that was good and he said yes. Of course me being the psycho pregnant women that I am went home and Googled all about cervical length. Some women’s are as long as 5cm (cue freak out). Yes, I also read that a woman cervix can range anywhere between 3 and 5cmm and this is normal. Of course I’m still freaking out because when I Googled cervix length tons of awful horror stories came up about shortening cervix and preterm labor especially with twins. I loved the one about how at 16 weeks her cervix was perfect than at 18 weeks it was almost completely gone and she lost her twins at 19 weeks. I really have freaked myself out. DAMN GOOGLE!!  I know the internet can be an awful thing and those women I read about are not me. The normal sane women in my head knows this, unfortunately that women hasn’t been hanging around much.

A 4 yr old made me cry

This 4 yr old is my beautiful niece Jocelyn.  She is a little too big for her britches at times. She also has more personality than any little person I know. She stole my heart from the first time I ever held her.

My sister asked me if I could watch her this past weekend. My nephew had a big baseball tournament and she didn’t want Jocelyn to have to hang out at the ball field all day Saturday and Sunday. Thankfully some of my energy has come back so of course I agreed.  Early in the week my sister told Jocelyn that she was going to be going over to her Auntie and Uncle house for the weekend. A few days later my sister over heard Jocelyn having a conversation with my nephew (her brother), apparently she was trying to throw it in her brothers face that she was going to come visit us and he wasn’t. She also told him that she had to come spend time with us because we are going to have two babies and not love her anymore. My sister overheard and interrupted her and told her that wasn’t true that we were always going to love her. She wasn’t convinced. She told my sister she is going to have her own babies so she won’t want to see me anymore. Of course as my sisters telling me this I was an emotional wreck. Jocelyn went on and on about how she won’t be able to come over and take bubble baths or make cupcakes because we will be too busy. It breaks my heart that she thinks this. When she came over this past weekend I tried to make it as special as possible. Of course she got to take her bubble bath and make cup cakes. I asked her if when the babies come if she is going to help me give them there baths and show them how to make cupcakes. She said yes and then asked, I can still come over when the babies are here? I tried to reassure her best I could that she will always be able to come over and there will always be a place for her in my heart. I hope she understood.

Have any of you ladies ran into this problem. Is there ways you helped the little ones in your family feel more involved?

 

  

 

 

Isnt she just the cutest?!?

16 weeks

Ahhh I’m 16 weeks today… Time really has been flying by I am so thankful that the last month has gone smoothly. After a few scares early on it was really hard for me to enjoy being pregnant. I am happy to report that I am really feeling good and really beginning to embrace being pregnant.

I haven’t gone out and bought anything for them but I have let myself “Google” baby items without feeling guilty (baby steps).  This is a big deal though; I swear anything I ever did baby related was going to make me not pregnant. Every time we would tell someone new I would swear I just cursed myself and after looking something up on the internet I would just feel so guilty. I still get these feeling occasional but it’s not nearly as frequent as it was early on.

Nausea did seem to creep its ugly head back the past week. I thought I was done with throwing up but apparently not. It only happened once but the nausea has been hitting every evening again. It hasn’t been as intense as it was early on.

 I haven’t had any real food cravings but, have any of you tried the new Milk Bite from Kraft? The oatmeal raisin is pretty amazing. It also has the calcium of an 8oz glass of milk. I have really been trying to get in all of my calcium since my co-worker Michelle scared me about the lose teeth.

 I have an OB appointment this Friday. I am really hoping that these little ones are cooperative and we are able to see their genders and that all else looks good. I always get such anxiety before each appointment I’m not sure this will ever go away.

My Dad

Tough exterior but really a big teddy bear!

Me and my dad have always had a good relationship I wouldn’t say I am exactly a daddy’s girl because me and my mom are very close we talk almost every day my dad still tells me about when I was a child I would wrap myself around my mother’s legs when I knew she was going to leave the house (he loves using this against me whenever he gets the chance) but I would still consider me and my dad close.

He has always been supportive when it comes to Nick and I struggle with infertility. He has been there every step of the way. He always made sure to give me a call and just see how things are going and making sure I am doing ok. He never pushed for too much for information but always let me know he was there if I needed to talk.

Well since I have become pregnant my dad has really been even more amazing. He texts or calls almost every day just to see how me and his babies are doing. My mom said he talks about them every day. She can’t believe how excited he is. My little brother even called and told me how annoying our dad has been. He said that it is all he talks about. I think my little brother (the baby) is a tad bit jealous he won’t ever admit it.  It’s really amazing to see my family be so excited for these little ones and I know they are going to have my dad wrapped around there finger.

My dad’s and I relationship is stronger than ever and I have the two little ones growing inside of me to thank for that. They are such a blessing already!

Me and my Dad this past Fathers Day

Quick Update..

So since we had an extra day this year I decided we should make it good. We went in for an elective gender Ultra sound. Ahh those babies are just so damn cute I can’t even get enough of them. They were moving and kicking the entire time but still no gender reveal.  They were %80 sure about baby A but warned us it wasn’t for sure. Baby B umbilical cord was wrapped all around his or her legs so there was no way to see the good. So no big reveal but it was so great to see them again. Since they were not able to reveal the gender they gave us another appointment in 2 weeks. I see my regular OB next Friday so hopefully within the next few weeks we will know for sure.

In other pregnancy news:

- Today I am 15weeks and 1 day I can’t believe I am almost 4 months pregnant.

-I m pretty sure I felt a good kick while lying in bed this morning. I still can’t be sure but it wasn’t anything I have ever felt before.

-By stomach is getting so hard especially in the evening yesterday it felt like a rock.

-I had lunch with my co worker yesterday that recently had twins and while she freaked me out. With all the things I have been worrying about my teeth getting lose was not one of them. We can now add that to my list of worries. Apparently if you don’t get enough calcium this can happen.

- Thing have gotten much smother I haven’t been so tired and the nausea has been much easier.

- Maternity pants are now a must. I tried putting on some pre pregnancy jeans the other day and it was embarrassing.

- Life is good I am so so thankful!!

Cravings and a bump and a check up!!

I went in for a checkup yesterday and was so happy when the midwife did an ultra sound. I thought we were only going to be able to hear the heart beat but she told me with two it sometimes it difficult so she would rather do an ultra sound. Fine by me!! We heard two strong heartbeats. I am just so in love with these two little ones growing inside of me. They were so close together the nurse said all look they love each other already. (Cue water works) They are cuddled up nice and tight right below my belly button. I think this is adding to the intense vaginal pain I have been experiencing. It looks like the Dr. wants me to start wearing a maternity band. I think this is a good idea because this weekend I went to the mall for all of about a half hour before the pain in my legs and vagina were so intense I could have cried. I think I may have waddled to the car. The midwife said with two often times the stretching happens so rapidly it causes a lot of pain. Hopefully this will help because I was really hoping not to waddle for a few more months!

On to my cravings that I didn’t think I was having. I was feeling out my baby journal when I came to the question about craving I told DH I haven’t really had any cravings. He looked at me like I was crazy. I was like what?? He said how about the other day when you called me asking me to pick up watermelon, mangos, lemon and chili powder? Oh yeah I forgot about that. I had this dire need for watermelon and lemon and chili the other day and the urge hasn’t really gone away. So I guess I was wrong, I have had a few craving but, I’m still not going to count me baking cinnamon rolls at 9:00 last night.

 Here is a picture of the bump…..

To date I have gained 3 pounds which I guess has gone all to my belly!

I dont think I can keep it a secret much longer

Guess who popped out over the weekend!! This girl!! Seriously I went to bed on Saturday night felling bloated and just plan fat and literally woke up pregnant! Well I was already pregnant but you know what I mean. It was the craziest thing I was really uncomfortable in my body all day on Saturday and Sunday bam there was a pregnant belly. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth Sunday morning and DH walked in and said and I quote “what’s that” haha I wasn’t sure what he was talking about than I looked at my stomach. I turned to the side and I think I asked myself the same question. It is crazy how quickly it happened. When I laid down on Sunday night DH said it’s not going down haha I told him I don’t think it’s going down for at least 6 months.

Update and a question?

I will be 12 weeks tomorrow. It’s still hard to believe IM PREGNANT. I went in for our NET scan yesterday they said everything was good and both measured perfectly. Baby A was pretty stubborn and refusing to stretch out for the ultrasound tech. I could tell the ultrasound tech was getting frustrated. She said Baby A was nice and comfy. After about a half hour or her pushing that probe into my stomach, repeatedly! Baby A finally stretched out. I could see the relief on the techs face. She said I really didn’t think we were going to get the measurement I thought you were going to half to come back. All the pushing freaked me out I know the babies are safe in there but she was really pushing. I asked her if that was normal and she said “YES, when babies are comfy they don’t want to move and sometimes we have to really work at it.” My parents called to see how the appointment went and my dad told me Baby A is a girl and stubborn just like her mom!

 It has been so amazing to watch the transformation of our babies the last few months, yesterday I actually seen fingers! I am in awe of what is going on inside my body. It’s still crazy to think that I have these two little babies growing inside of me and I don’t feel them. I can’t wait until I feel that first kick!

I have a question for you ladies. What do you say if someone asked if you’re pregnant and you really not ready to talk about it? For the record if someone has not told you there pregnant it’s because there not or they don’t want you to know! I was asked the other day if I was pregnant. I was sitting in my office with my door shut having lunch when my co-worker walked in. She asked how I was doing and if I was sick. I told her, no I’m not sick just a little tired. She stared at me and said are you pregnant? I got a little flustered I had no idea where this was coming from and just said I’m not sick. She looked at me and her word “I want to know, are you pregnant?” I was a little taken back and then said, yes. She said “Oh yeah, you can tell in your face.” This is not a co-worker I am close with and we don’t even work in the same building. I kindly asked her not to tell anybody, she said why aren’t you excited? I explained to her that I was very excited but we are still early on and I wasn’t ready for everyone to know. The whole conversation was just really uncomfortable, I felt cornered. This isn’t the first time I’ve been asked “Aren’t you excited.”  It really makes me feel bad of course I’m excited!!

Someone has had a bad attitude

Unfortunately that person is me. I really havent been someone anyone wants to be around the last week. Thankfully DH has been great and still loves me! I am happy to report that today I am feeling much better might I say I feel a little normal?

It’s been a little while since my last post and well it’s because I haven’t had the energy to do much of anything. This whole nausea thing is really no joke the last thing I want to do is complain because I am still over the moon happy but to be frank I have been feeling like SHIT!! I mean all day nausea accompanied by all night heartburn throw in some leg cramps and a swarm of pimples on my chest. Oh and well on Wednesday and Thursday I had a stomach bug that gave me (TMI) Diarrhea and vomiting for about 48 hrs straight. I lost 4 pounds during that little stint I don’t think I slept for 3 days I was so miserable. On top of that I was completely freaked out the whole time that I was going to get dehydrated. I was what you could call a “HOT MESS.”  Ok, Ok before you tell me to shut up and stop complaining I will stop myself, thank you for listening!!

On the baby front…

Thing are looking great I had an appointment with my OBs nurse practitioner on Friday. We scheduled lots of appointments. I was pleasantly surprised about how much care they were showing me. My OB seems to be really on top of things. They told me it had been a little while since they had twins in the office and to look forward to seeing them a lot. She told me I am going to become great friends with everyone in the office. She scheduled me a 3hr glucose for Sunday. I was surprised that they were having me do it so soon and doing the 3hr vs the 1hr. She told me my OB just wants to be sure everything is fine and catch anything we can as soon as we can. It wasn’t too bad but having to drink that orange stuff on a 12hr empty stomach and feeling nauseated wasn’t the happiest time of my life. I talked myself through it and managed to keep it down (YAY ME).

Saturday was my last visit to my RE office (10w3days). The babies looked great

Baby A measured 10w5day HB 163

Baby B measured 10w3day HB160

They gave us quite the show for our last visit. At first they wiggled around like they were a little annoyed that something was in there bothering them. Than Baby B starting waving the DR actually screamed “its waiving at you” it actually lasted like 5 sec it was pretty amazing. BABY A not to me outdone decided to do a cartwheel right after. I still can’t believe I have two babies in there. I am in awe every time I see them.

9 weeks

I just got back from my 9 week appointment. It is amazing how much these little ones grow in only 1 week. Baby A did a little dance for us Baby B head bounced around a little. It was the cutest thing I am so in love! Thankfully the blood clot is even smaller so we are moving in the right direction.

Baby A 9w0day Hb 160

Baby B 9w0day Hb 157

I am so thankful I finally had a smooth week. When I left my appointment last week I prayed for a good week up until this week I have had a scare every week. Thankfully I had an uneventful week. I still had a little spotting but unfortunately I have become accustomed to this. It was nothing that sent me into a panic. The nausea was a constant reminder that I am very much pregnant and I wouldn’t have it any other way! My progesterone was a little low at my appointment last week they were worried the suppositories weren’t working due to all the bleeding. I started taking the progesterone injection in my bum and let me say those little things are literally a pain in the ass! I mean all day soreness every time DH sticks me I just keep saying it’s for the babies. Fingers are crossed that I don’t have to take them too much longer.

We also hit quite the mile stone today!

DH and I were able to add our initials and due date to the offices due date wall. It’s a pretty cool thing, the wall has all the months of the year and on it is round pink, green, brown and beige tags and on each of them it has initial and the date the couple is due and they are pined on the date of the calendar. I remember when I first seen this praying that one day DH and I would have our name on the wall! I almost cried as I put are tag on the wall. I know we still have a long way to go but, we have come so far!

Getting through....

So I have to tell you Monday was a bit of an outer body experience. I honestly think it was one of the hardest days I have ever faced. The amount of blood was really unbelievable; I thought for sure it was all over. It just kept coming and coming, I don’t think word could every express my fear. I couldn’t even look at the screen when the RE was doing the ultra sound even when she said they babies were fine. I didn’t have the heart to look at them. My friend that took me to the DR told me look they’re fine. I think I could have hit her. I felt like yeah they’re fine NOW!! I feel so bad I didn’t look at those beautiful babies growing inside of me. Our drive home was silent I didn’t say a word; I didn’t even thank her for taking me. I just felt numb, it was such an awful feeling to think that the babies are growing perfect but my body once again is choosing to be difficult. It was an awful reminder that I have no control.

I prayed and prayed for God to give me comfort and understanding, he did just that. I know he can heal all things and I have to just have faith that what will be will be. Tuesday was honestly a better day I just focused on the fact that my babies are in there being strong and growing and I have to be strong for them.

Thankfully when we went in to the RE office yesterday we received the news we wanted. The hematoma was already smaller and healing itself. We heard the most beautiful sounds it the world, our little babies hearts beating away!! Yesterday I hit my 8 week mark and they measured at 8w and 8w1day. Thankfully their growth was not affected at all.

Thank you so much for all your kind words it meant a lot!!

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe. Mark 11:24... Faith is not a sense, nor sight, not reason, but simply taking God at His word. The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety!

So scared

I just had the biggest scare. This afternoon I passed several large clots followed by a lot of blood flow. I called my RE and went in right away. Thankfully both babies are fine and growing right. The bad news is I have a large medium the RE (not my own) first called it large then called it medium Hematoma between my placenta and my uterus apparently its by me cervix which is why I am having so much blood. She warned me I would see more blood. She put me on bed rest until I go in again on Wednesday she said they consider me high risk and will now watch me until 10 weeks instead of the usual 8. She told me that these do heal themselves but if not it could stop blood flow to the babies. My hearty hurts so bad. I don’t want the babies taken from me. Especially when they are strong and doing just what they are supposed to do. Apparently this happens in % 1 of pregnancies. Just like me to fall into the %1. I want to be positive it is just so freakin hard. I’m so mad hurt and everything in between, Please keep me in your thoughts.

It's starting to feel real...

So Pregnancy symptoms were in full force this weekend. I have been having little bouts of nausea here and there and my boobs have been a little sore. This weekend was a whole new ball game.

Dinner and I have not been friends for about a week now but, this weekend it was all day sickness. I had to coach myself through meals and tell myself I only had to eat half. Than once I ate what I could I had to keep telling it to stay down. I lost that battle twice. I have always had stomach problem so if you could have been in my head this last week you would have had quit the laugh. I keep thinking is that nausea? Is my stomach upset? Is this all in my head? I had this conversation a few times with myself until I realized, this is what they call morning sickness. When I first threw up I actually laughed. Like a ha-ha this is for reals. Then the laughing almost turned to tears I was genuinely happy that I was throwing up (I mean this girl is really pregnant) that joy passed pretty quickly as my day turned worse and worse that nausea is no joke. I really wasn’t in the mood to talk or explain my upset stomach I tried to get this across to DH a few time but I quickly followed with “I’m not complaining! Its reminding me our babies are in there!” He laughed and reminded me that it is ok to complain a little. On top of this unfortunately the spotting still hasn’t stopped its still changes between red and brown and is only when I wipe. I’m just praying the RE is right and it’s from the progesterone suppositories. I’m trying not to think about it too much.

On a different note….

With all this nausea you would think I wouldn’t have any cravings…WRONG! I have had a dire need for vanilla cake with fresh banana and cream feeling. It all came from walking into Costco and I could smell banana I think it was them baking there banana nut muffins but my head went straight to cake. I had this craving for about 4 days when finally yesterday I had to have it. I didn’t want to go to the store and order a whole cake. So I made myself a family favorite last night. It layers of angel food cake, vanilla pudding, banana, strawberries and whip cream it’s layered about 4 times and is yummy yummy goodness!!

Where to go...

Feel like I haven’t posted in forever! Well it’s been over a week so I guess it has been long enough. I have sat down to write something a few times and the truth is I’m at a blank. I have had a stressful week I started spotting New Years Eve and still hasn’t stopped I have been so scared this happiness is going to get ripped away. The spotting has been brown and red. I really got myself all worked up. I have actually had a few nightmares that included me having a miscarriage. My fear of the toilet was at an all time high yesterday. My RE knew what was going on and had me go in for another ultrasound today. Thankfully all is well today they are both measuring perfect and both heartbeats are strong. They think the bleeding might just be from my progesterone suppositories. My fingers are crossed that there right!

 I am on cloud nine and so so thankfully to be pregnant that’s followed with guilt and then anger. Infertility is an devastating,awful,miserable thing and it drives me crazy knowing all the couples that suffer from it. It is so unfair and as happy as I am, I hurt so much for those that haven’t gotten there BFP. I’m not sure where this blog is going to go, I really don’t want it to turn into a pregnancy update and I also don’t want to not share my joy. I really do feel stuck.