We have a heartbeat x2!!

I can’t believe it but we are having twins!! We went in for our 6 week ultrasound this morning and seen 2 perfect gestational sacs 2 perfect yolk sacs and 2 perfect heartbeats. My RE said everything looks good then she rephrased and said no everything looks GREAT! She just kept saying perfect and great! They are identical in size! I think I’m still in shock DH and I cried and then just started at each other I think we are both in disbelief. I am feeling over the moon happy! I feel so very blessed! I might just be the happiest girl in the world at this very moment!

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas

I had amazing past few days filled with family! We laughed we cried and even fought over a few games of Taboo. My family is so darn competitive yes me included. I must tell you the women came out the victors! DH and I received so many gifts you would think we were 10 year old kids both of our families really spoil us (its a little ridiculous) I am so incredibly thankfully, I cant wait until next year I pray and pray this baby(ies) makes it to our arms!! Christmas really is about the kids, watching my niece and nephews face light up after every gift the opened was really priceless!!

I have to share with you one of my favorite parts of Christmas.

DH family is big on Christmas card, my family sent out Holiday cards but they give individual ones to everyone in the family. At first I didnt really understand why but after only one Christmas I realized what a great thing it is. DH family is not big on the lovey dovey or really talking about there feelings this was a bit of a shock to me since I come from a family of drama queens! They use these card to really thank each other for the year that has passed. The all spend hours looking for the perfect cards. When everyone reads there cards before they open present you can see the tear in there eyes, those Christmas cards mean the world to them. With a year full of up and down those cards were my favorite Christmas gift. DH Dads card made me cry, ok they all made me cry. Than I got to DH's card to me. I cried one of those uglies cries.  I know this is a tradition I will always carry on in my family.

I am so thankfully for another year with my family, friends and most of all DH.

5 weeks and a BETA!!!

First off I want to welcome anyone visiting from ICLW. Thank You for stopping by!

You have caught me just weeks after my BFP!! I have never wanted to skip Christmas in my life but today I just want the 28^th to get here. This is when I will get my first ultra sound.

I just got a call from my nurse my BETA for today is 4116!! This is 18dp3dt or 5 weeks preggos!! I still can’t believe it. I really have had a difficult time wrapping my head around it. Is it just me or is the excitement always short lived? It’s not that I’m always nervous but in the hours before the call from my RE’s office I am a total freak. Then they call I get totally excited and then have a short freak out about the next appointment. I mean seriously Jessica chill out! (I have told myself this on numerous occasions) I have never been so scared and happy in my whole life. I can’t wait for the day that I don’t cringe every time I wipe (TMI) it’s the truth every time I go to the bathroom I cringe. Don’t get me wrong I am so so incredibly thankfully and I wouldn’t give all these crazy emotions for the world.  DH has been the cutest thing every morning when he leaves for work he gives me a kiss and goes to my belly and says “stick around please we love you already” sometime he also throws in “Im a pretty cool guy and you’re going to want to meet me.” It makes me want to cry almost every time!!

Update

BETA #3 from yesterday 494!!  My nurse told me my number was great and to relax and enjoy pregnancy!! I feel so relieved. Thankfully the spotting only happened that once and hasn't returned. (Excuse me well I knock on wood). I'm felling good to day I think I might actually go buy a baby book, might! It still scares me a little a lot!!

I might kick myself in the butt for writing this but here it goes!!

I am feeling great today. I actually was feeling good last night. Not great in the since that my body feels normal because my boobs feel like they are being stabbed and the grumbling in my stomach is no fun plus I’ve been waking up around 4:30 in the morning with some pretty intense huger pains. That is fine and well with me though! I’m not sure what it is but, my anxiety has really subsided I actually feel calm. Strange right? I mean I know so many thing can go wrong but today I really feel whatever will be will be and for whatever reason I think that means bringing baby(ies) home. I have told myself no more Dr. Google it really is a problem and the truth is regardless of what I read it isn’t going to change.

On a bit of a side note:

I have to tell you, the ladies at my clinic have really been nothing amazing. I am so glad we went with USC. My visit this past Wednesday when I went in for my 2^nd BETA was great. I was greeted with hugs and smiles two of the nurse actually did a bit of a happy dance for us. They told me they were all waiting for my numbers to come in and they all wanted to be the ones to call and tell me! (It made me feel special)

We have gone through a few bumps during this whole IVF process and not only did my own nurse call to check in so did two other. They all just called to tell me they were thinking of me and really tried hard to reassure me. I know they didn’t have to that. One of my favorites Francine (love her British accent) must have talked to me for over half an hour and I know the office was closed. Really though the whole staff has been amazing (I could do without the rude receptionist) they all have made me and Nick feel so comfortable. I have had my run in with a few bad doctors and nurses in my day and they can make or break your day. Often it’s regardless of what they say but how they say it. This whole process can be too much for even the strongest people to handle but when you have a great people supporting you it makes the ride a little smoother!

Thank you so much for your kind words yesterday I took all the advice and really tried to take it easy. Thankfully there were no causalities due to my stress level!

I'm SCARED.....

I’m telling you, just went I let my guard down just a little, BAM I take a dive.

I was baking last night when I felt a little bit of an upset stomach I wouldn’t call it cramping more upset. I went to the bathroom and I felt my heart sink there was blood. This might be TMI but I’m going to put it out there because I’m still freaked out.

It wasn’t bleeding I would consider it more spotting. It was only on the toilet paper. I called my RE office in a total panic by the time the on-call RE called me back I was having a full on breakdown. He told me based on my BETA he wasn’t concerned but that I should lay down the rest of the evening and take an extra progesterone suppository one when we got off the phone and another around 10:00. I did just that I work up once during the night and went to the bathroom, thankfully no blood. This morning when I went to the bathroom there was little excess of the suppository it was not it usually white it was more on the brown side but, nothing else I haven’t had any more bleeding.

My nurse called me this morning and got me a little scared. All the questions only make me more nervous. I did have a little back pain but nothing intense I thought it was from me sleeping on my back so much I am normally a belly girl. The whole was it pink or was it red. I mean it wasn’t like crazy red but I wouldn’t say pink. DH swears it was more pink than red but I think he is just saying that. I swear I wish they had a picture of pink vs. red and what they considered each. Her tone wasn’t as calming as the RE last night he actually said “I promise everything is fine” which bothered me because we all know he can’t promise me anything. He was very reassuring though my nurse this morning not so much. She said if I had anymore bleeding than to call and I would go in tomorrow for another blood test. About 20 min after are call I sent her an e-mail asking if I could go in either way. I haven’t received a response back.

I am so nervous and everyone just keeps telling to relax. I really want to rip their heads off I mean like SERIOUSLY!!

I want this so bad I am just absolutely terrified. I pray everything is going to be OK.

11dp3dt 2nd BETA!!!

WOHOOOO 2nd  BETA 217!!!

BETA #3 Scheduled for December 21st and first Ultra Sound Scheduled for December 28th!

How am I going to wait a week?!?!?

Where to start....

During the last 9 days, I must have sat at my computer and started to write something for my blog at least 10 times. I never could seem to get my head focus enough the write anything other than non-sense. I guess you could say the past 9 days have been a bit of a roller coaster.

Sunday the day after are transfer, I was on cloud 9 all I could do was stare at the picture of a little embies my smile was plastered on. I hoped that feeling would never go away. Unfortunately by Monday it was back to work and not just my everyday job. It was time for our annual Holiday party and as part of our Employee activity committee that meant the craziest time of year. I pushed myself harder than I should have. Monday and Tuesday I had worked almost 11 hour days and by the time I got home I was completely exhausted. DH and I got into an argument on Tuesday night, he was not happy with me. He knew I was pushing too hard. I know he was right, I think I was just trying to keep busy. Both nights I had quite a bit of cramping, it was really freaking me out. Wednesday was the day of the event. I really made the extra effort not to push so hard. Nobody on the Employee activity committee knew what was going on so the day of the party I had to fake an intense headache to allow myself a few brakes. The party turned out great!!  I managed to get my mind off of this whole process long enough to enjoy myself!

                                          Pictures from the Photo booth at the Party

Than Thursday came and this meant back to work as usual, yeah right usual, I don’t think I got any work done which only added to my stress. I gave myself a pass and told myself if now isn’t a time to slack off there never will be! I didn’t have too much cramping on Tuesday just a few sharp pains in my lower back. Friday was pretty much a repeat of Thursday only I decided to leave work early; I wasn’t doing anyone any good at work. Friday night came and that’s when the insomnia started I got to bed around 10:00 and by 3:00am I was wide eyed and ready to go. I tried everything to get to bed but it wasn’t happening.  Finally by 6:00am I was up and getting started on my grandmother in laws birthday cake it was her 80^th birthday. With both my sister and mother in law being Jehovah’s Witness that left me as the only lady in the family to do anything for her. We planned a nice dinner with my father in law his brother DH cousin, girlfriend and there little one. It was a nice time and it was nice to keep busy. When DH grandma blew out the candles she said “I made the same wish I made at Thanksgiving when we broke the wish bone” She winked over at DH and I. She is so sweet!

 The Cake I made for DH Grandma!!

 I was pretty tired by the time we got home and thought that I would fall right to sleep which I did but around 2:00am I was wide awake. I laid there for hours trying to sleep with no luck. Saturday we had bought some HPT, so I decided to take one two about 4:00 in the morning. Pretty quickly the second pink line came up and I started to cry. I woke DH and we were both so excited.

                                           I think the lines looked darker in person!

Sometime I annoy myself by being so negative. Our excitement was short lived do to my own skepticism.  Sunday we kept busy and finished up the last of our Christmas shopping. By 3:00 I was completely warn out, we went home hoping to take a nap. Again, no luck instead I started watching some ridiculous show that left me in tear while DH was sleeping. He woke up and seen my crying.  He told me ok we have to so something to keep you busy. I really wasn’t up to leaving the house so we decided to do some Christmas wrapping and watch a movie. Thankfully it worked we wrapped gifts until almost 8:00 we are almost all done!! Yay us! Sunday night was pretty much a repeat of Saturday night I was up by 2:0 am and POAS. This one came up even faster than the last and was pretty much the same color as the first line. I went in and told DH we were excited. I’m still not sure why I POAS it gave me no relief I still felt just as nervous. Then there was yesterday, ohhh the torture. I swear ever hour felt like an eternity!. DH called me at work around 12:00 and told me “I’m going crazy I can’t think of anything other than our results.” I told him welcome to the party!!!! That’s how I’ve been the last week!” He didn’t enjoy my sarcasm! We had both decided to leave work early so we could get the call together. The clinic told us they would be calling between 3:00 and 4:30. Given their track record we figured it would be closer to 4:30 and boy were we right 4:29 and still no call. I almost had a full on anxiety attack. So I decided to call them, my nurse got on the phone and said well Congratulations!!!   I was so excited I felt like the world was lifted off of my shoulders. Than me being the skeptic I am said like “pregnant, pregnant” she laughed and said yes “pregnant, pregnant.” We hung up and then came the jumping “it’s become a bit of a ritual for DH and I, when we hear good news” The jumping turned to hugging witched turned to crying. They were the happiest tears I have ever shed. I honestly never thought this day would come. I still can’t believe it’s true. We told both of our parents and sisters and DH grandmother, we got screams and tears. They are all so happy for us!

I still can’t believe we got a BFP!! Now all I can do is pray that my level rise tomorrow. This waiting game is ridiculous and I know it’s not going anywhere anytime soon!

I want to thank all of you Ladies for your advace,encouragemnt and support. Although I know none of you in person I am forever indebted. You have helped me through one of the hardest things I have ever had to face and although this journey is far from over. Im not sure I could have made it to this point without you! Words are not enough but THANK YOU!!

9dp3dt.....

9dp3dt and a BFP!!!!!! I went in for my first BETA today and it was at a 93!!

I am so incredibly happy I honestly didn't think this day would ever come. I mean Im freakin pregnant!!My body has let me down time and time again but today it is a CHAMPION!! DH and I literally jumped up and down with excitement and than we just cried. They where the happiest tears I have ever shed, I am so incredibly thankful!!

 I go in again on Wednesday for my second BETA!!

I will try to post tomorrow when I can actually think straight.

They’re Gorgeous, Just Gorgeous!!

We did our day3 transfer this past Saturday. The whole experience was pretty amazing! I know it is a day DH and I will never forget. We transferred two perfect Grade A 8 cell embryos with no fragmentation. The RE said they were gorgeous. The embryologist said they all looked great and they were able to freeze the other 4.

Here they are!

The day wouldn’t have been normal if everything went smoothly. So of course true to my nature there were a few “issues.” The day started at about 5:15am in the morning I had a scheduled acupuncturist appointment at 5:45. My acupuncturist had just moved to a new office the day before when she got to the office her keys didn’t work. So around 5:30 she called and asked if we could just do it at my home which I was fine with me. I was just a little worried we would be late. She finally got to my place around 6:00. I was completely freaking out. It threw off are whole scheduled but, she did a great job at relaxing me. When it was all done DH and I ran out the door. It’s at least an hour in a half drive to our RE office so I started drinking water on the way in. Unfortunately smarty pants me decided to take my antibiotics with nothing in my stomach, cue nausea. By the time we got to the office nausea was in full force. I actually threw up in the parking lot (I know TMI I’m sorry). Nothing but water which of course freaked me out, I was so worried my bladder wouldn’t be full enough so I chugged another water bottle in a half (wasn’t great for the nausea). Thankfully a few stick of mint gum seem to do the trick and by the time I got called back to our room that nausea seem to go away. Than my a new RE that I had meet once before came in. He is a nice guy and really made me and Nick feel comfortable. Once the procedure started things got interesting. Apparently I have a tilted uterus not your average tilted uterus a SERIOUSLY tilted uterus. He did another mock transfer and things didn’t go too smoothly. 45 minutes later with a new larger catheter and new clamps and my chair/bed lifted about 4 feet in the air the RE was finally comfortable. Unfortunately the only was the RE could see the screen was by barley pocking his head threw my legs. It was a sight to see DH me and the other doctor got a little bit of a chuckle out of it. Which was followed by the RE saying “no laughing the catheter is slipping out” he actually said I would prefer if you didn’t breath but I don’t think that possible. Cue laughing. The RE actually called a time out and said we should all re-group. Which we did and he was finally able to transfer our beautiful little embies (I’m in love). This whole has experience has been crazy to say the least but, those moment after the transfer were pure bliss. It was such an amazing experience. I forgot to mention that when the RE left he put on some “mood” music and deemed the lights. It seemed weird at the moment but it was a very intimate time for DH and I one I know we will never forget.

Now we wait our first BETA appointment is Monday December 12 so, as of today we have a 1 week wait.

Oh and the embryologist said that I get the award for cutest socks! I was pretty jazzed about that!

The waiting game

I think the knots in my stomach are finally going away which makes me a little nervous. The last time I started feeling a little confident I felt like my world came crashing down! How ironic I’m worried about not being worried.

Fertilization report from yesterday:

Out of 7 retrieved 6 were mature and all fertilized!

Is it only me or is the excitement of a positive phone call short lived? This waiting game is literally giving me gray hairs!

Now we are waiting on the call from the RE she should be calling around 11:30 or 12:00, Im going to do my best to keep myself busy until then.

This is my cute little Missy giving me love after my retrieval. Don’t judge me I just had 7 follicles taken from my va-jay-jay!!

Oh and there are a few new pictures in " Dressed from the ankles down"