Someone has had a bad attitude

Unfortunately that person is me. I really havent been someone anyone wants to be around the last week. Thankfully DH has been great and still loves me! I am happy to report that today I am feeling much better might I say I feel a little normal?

It’s been a little while since my last post and well it’s because I haven’t had the energy to do much of anything. This whole nausea thing is really no joke the last thing I want to do is complain because I am still over the moon happy but to be frank I have been feeling like SHIT!! I mean all day nausea accompanied by all night heartburn throw in some leg cramps and a swarm of pimples on my chest. Oh and well on Wednesday and Thursday I had a stomach bug that gave me (TMI) Diarrhea and vomiting for about 48 hrs straight. I lost 4 pounds during that little stint I don’t think I slept for 3 days I was so miserable. On top of that I was completely freaked out the whole time that I was going to get dehydrated. I was what you could call a “HOT MESS.”  Ok, Ok before you tell me to shut up and stop complaining I will stop myself, thank you for listening!!

On the baby front…

Thing are looking great I had an appointment with my OBs nurse practitioner on Friday. We scheduled lots of appointments. I was pleasantly surprised about how much care they were showing me. My OB seems to be really on top of things. They told me it had been a little while since they had twins in the office and to look forward to seeing them a lot. She told me I am going to become great friends with everyone in the office. She scheduled me a 3hr glucose for Sunday. I was surprised that they were having me do it so soon and doing the 3hr vs the 1hr. She told me my OB just wants to be sure everything is fine and catch anything we can as soon as we can. It wasn’t too bad but having to drink that orange stuff on a 12hr empty stomach and feeling nauseated wasn’t the happiest time of my life. I talked myself through it and managed to keep it down (YAY ME).

Saturday was my last visit to my RE office (10w3days). The babies looked great

Baby A measured 10w5day HB 163

Baby B measured 10w3day HB160

They gave us quite the show for our last visit. At first they wiggled around like they were a little annoyed that something was in there bothering them. Than Baby B starting waving the DR actually screamed “its waiving at you” it actually lasted like 5 sec it was pretty amazing. BABY A not to me outdone decided to do a cartwheel right after. I still can’t believe I have two babies in there. I am in awe every time I see them.

9 weeks

I just got back from my 9 week appointment. It is amazing how much these little ones grow in only 1 week. Baby A did a little dance for us Baby B head bounced around a little. It was the cutest thing I am so in love! Thankfully the blood clot is even smaller so we are moving in the right direction.

Baby A 9w0day Hb 160

Baby B 9w0day Hb 157

I am so thankful I finally had a smooth week. When I left my appointment last week I prayed for a good week up until this week I have had a scare every week. Thankfully I had an uneventful week. I still had a little spotting but unfortunately I have become accustomed to this. It was nothing that sent me into a panic. The nausea was a constant reminder that I am very much pregnant and I wouldn’t have it any other way! My progesterone was a little low at my appointment last week they were worried the suppositories weren’t working due to all the bleeding. I started taking the progesterone injection in my bum and let me say those little things are literally a pain in the ass! I mean all day soreness every time DH sticks me I just keep saying it’s for the babies. Fingers are crossed that I don’t have to take them too much longer.

We also hit quite the mile stone today!

DH and I were able to add our initials and due date to the offices due date wall. It’s a pretty cool thing, the wall has all the months of the year and on it is round pink, green, brown and beige tags and on each of them it has initial and the date the couple is due and they are pined on the date of the calendar. I remember when I first seen this praying that one day DH and I would have our name on the wall! I almost cried as I put are tag on the wall. I know we still have a long way to go but, we have come so far!

Getting through....

So I have to tell you Monday was a bit of an outer body experience. I honestly think it was one of the hardest days I have ever faced. The amount of blood was really unbelievable; I thought for sure it was all over. It just kept coming and coming, I don’t think word could every express my fear. I couldn’t even look at the screen when the RE was doing the ultra sound even when she said they babies were fine. I didn’t have the heart to look at them. My friend that took me to the DR told me look they’re fine. I think I could have hit her. I felt like yeah they’re fine NOW!! I feel so bad I didn’t look at those beautiful babies growing inside of me. Our drive home was silent I didn’t say a word; I didn’t even thank her for taking me. I just felt numb, it was such an awful feeling to think that the babies are growing perfect but my body once again is choosing to be difficult. It was an awful reminder that I have no control.

I prayed and prayed for God to give me comfort and understanding, he did just that. I know he can heal all things and I have to just have faith that what will be will be. Tuesday was honestly a better day I just focused on the fact that my babies are in there being strong and growing and I have to be strong for them.

Thankfully when we went in to the RE office yesterday we received the news we wanted. The hematoma was already smaller and healing itself. We heard the most beautiful sounds it the world, our little babies hearts beating away!! Yesterday I hit my 8 week mark and they measured at 8w and 8w1day. Thankfully their growth was not affected at all.

Thank you so much for all your kind words it meant a lot!!

Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe. Mark 11:24... Faith is not a sense, nor sight, not reason, but simply taking God at His word. The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety!

So scared

I just had the biggest scare. This afternoon I passed several large clots followed by a lot of blood flow. I called my RE and went in right away. Thankfully both babies are fine and growing right. The bad news is I have a large medium the RE (not my own) first called it large then called it medium Hematoma between my placenta and my uterus apparently its by me cervix which is why I am having so much blood. She warned me I would see more blood. She put me on bed rest until I go in again on Wednesday she said they consider me high risk and will now watch me until 10 weeks instead of the usual 8. She told me that these do heal themselves but if not it could stop blood flow to the babies. My hearty hurts so bad. I don’t want the babies taken from me. Especially when they are strong and doing just what they are supposed to do. Apparently this happens in % 1 of pregnancies. Just like me to fall into the %1. I want to be positive it is just so freakin hard. I’m so mad hurt and everything in between, Please keep me in your thoughts.

It's starting to feel real...

So Pregnancy symptoms were in full force this weekend. I have been having little bouts of nausea here and there and my boobs have been a little sore. This weekend was a whole new ball game.

Dinner and I have not been friends for about a week now but, this weekend it was all day sickness. I had to coach myself through meals and tell myself I only had to eat half. Than once I ate what I could I had to keep telling it to stay down. I lost that battle twice. I have always had stomach problem so if you could have been in my head this last week you would have had quit the laugh. I keep thinking is that nausea? Is my stomach upset? Is this all in my head? I had this conversation a few times with myself until I realized, this is what they call morning sickness. When I first threw up I actually laughed. Like a ha-ha this is for reals. Then the laughing almost turned to tears I was genuinely happy that I was throwing up (I mean this girl is really pregnant) that joy passed pretty quickly as my day turned worse and worse that nausea is no joke. I really wasn’t in the mood to talk or explain my upset stomach I tried to get this across to DH a few time but I quickly followed with “I’m not complaining! Its reminding me our babies are in there!” He laughed and reminded me that it is ok to complain a little. On top of this unfortunately the spotting still hasn’t stopped its still changes between red and brown and is only when I wipe. I’m just praying the RE is right and it’s from the progesterone suppositories. I’m trying not to think about it too much.

On a different note….

With all this nausea you would think I wouldn’t have any cravings…WRONG! I have had a dire need for vanilla cake with fresh banana and cream feeling. It all came from walking into Costco and I could smell banana I think it was them baking there banana nut muffins but my head went straight to cake. I had this craving for about 4 days when finally yesterday I had to have it. I didn’t want to go to the store and order a whole cake. So I made myself a family favorite last night. It layers of angel food cake, vanilla pudding, banana, strawberries and whip cream it’s layered about 4 times and is yummy yummy goodness!!

Where to go...

Feel like I haven’t posted in forever! Well it’s been over a week so I guess it has been long enough. I have sat down to write something a few times and the truth is I’m at a blank. I have had a stressful week I started spotting New Years Eve and still hasn’t stopped I have been so scared this happiness is going to get ripped away. The spotting has been brown and red. I really got myself all worked up. I have actually had a few nightmares that included me having a miscarriage. My fear of the toilet was at an all time high yesterday. My RE knew what was going on and had me go in for another ultrasound today. Thankfully all is well today they are both measuring perfect and both heartbeats are strong. They think the bleeding might just be from my progesterone suppositories. My fingers are crossed that there right!

 I am on cloud nine and so so thankfully to be pregnant that’s followed with guilt and then anger. Infertility is an devastating,awful,miserable thing and it drives me crazy knowing all the couples that suffer from it. It is so unfair and as happy as I am, I hurt so much for those that haven’t gotten there BFP. I’m not sure where this blog is going to go, I really don’t want it to turn into a pregnancy update and I also don’t want to not share my joy. I really do feel stuck.