Confused..

I don’t even know where to start this or that I should even write it but here it goes.

I guess I will start off by telling you that my two sisters and I have always been very close. They really are my best friends we have shared some really tough times in life that have only brought us closer. With that said the last 6 or so month’s things have changed at least between me and my older sister.

 My sister knows what I have been going through and hasn’t called me once to see how thing are going. This is someone that I used to talk to everyday sometimes a few times a day. A few months back before my last IVF cycle was going to start, I noticed her pulling away not returning my calls or she would always be very short with me. I wasn’t going to constantly be calling her to update her I really began to feel like I was a bother. Than my surgery came and she was really upset that she found out from my mom and that I didn’t call and tell her. She told my mom that all I seemed to care about were my friends. This really hurt I have always put my family first and yes there are a few friends that I am very close to but this isn’t a new development. I feel like she has really dropped the ball and put it on me. When my mom told me this I was pretty upset and not really sure how to handle it. After my surgery she came to visit and I asked her what has been going on why things are changing between us. She started crying and told me that she just didn’t know what to say to me anymore that she can’t relate to what I’m going through and it’s hard for her. To be honest it really pissed me off believe me I know that she doesn’t know “exactly” what I’m going through and I don’t expect her too. But before me niece was born she suffered two miscarriages that were really difficult for her and I was there every step of the way calling making sure everything was ok at the time I didn’t know how she felt but that didn’t change that she was my sister and she needed me. I told her that I didn’t need her to know what I was going through I just needed her to be my sister and I really felt like she wasn’t there for me. I used to talk to her about everything and now that I’m going through the hardest thing I have ever had to face she has just disappeared. She promised she would make a better effort.

Here we are a few months later and nothing. I called her the day of my last RE appointment left a message (of course she didn’t answer) that I thought we were a go and how excited I was and to call me back when she got a chance. I never got a phone call. Than the weekend came and the hubby was going to a card show with his dad and my mom called and asked if I wanted to drive with her out to my nephew’s game. I figured it would be a good time to catch up with my sister and see my adorable niece and nephew so I decided to go. Even though I was a little upset I used to know when everyone of my nephews games were but apparently she stopped telling me because I was to wrapped up in my own life (her words).

Anyways I tried talking to her about what was going on and to be honest she didn’t seem like she cared much when I mentioned the dates for our upcoming IVF she seemed to care more about how it was going to interrupt Thanksgiving and my nephew’s birthday party than anything. I really tried hard not to take it personal at my nephew’s games she tends to turn into one of the psycho parents that is screaming the whole time. I thought I would give her the benefit of the doubt and call her on Sunday and Monday and Tuesday (you can see where this is going) Of course no answer and no call back again I tried not to take it personal and just assumed she was busy. Than last night DH and I went over to my parents for dinner. My mom told me about how her and my sister had talked (Monday and Tuesday) about Thanksgiving.

It pretty much infuriated me. So apparently she answers my mom’s calls just not mine. I just feel really hurt I told my mom how I felt and she told me and I quote “you know her she has always been a little self absorbed and she has been under a lot of stress remodeling her home”. (I didn’t even know she was re-modeling)

I mean seriously!!! What was I thinking here she is re-modeling her home and I expect her to return a phone call the nerve of me! I really just feel like I’m done! If she doesn’t want to be a part of this or it is just too hard for her then fine but I don’t want to hear crap about me caring to much about my friends!

In all honestly I feel like she is just selfish. She is used to me dropping everything on the drop of a dime for her and her family she has told me more than once that I have no excuse not to show up or do something because I don’t have kids. Well I do have an excuse and it’s me amd my "family"! I am putting myself first for once in life and apparently she doesn’t like that too much.  I used to be everywhere and do everything and the last 6 months it hasn’t been that way but I really thought she would understand.

I feel really hurt and just plain angry. I have always put more effort into our relationship and now that I need her to put in the work she hasn’t.

Should I be more understanding? Do I need to just let it go?