Trying not to take it personal

I had a conversation yesterday with a “co-worker” that I used to call a friend.

It’s been about a year since we have had a real conversation. Of course we give an awkward hello if we see each other on campus but the tension is obvious I have been asked on more than one occasion if something is going on between the two of us. I give the standard no everything is fine. Who am I kidding? We used to go to lunch together almost every day and we always hung out on the weekend are husband got along great, we even vacationed together. Then a little over a year ago things changed and we don’t really talk (long story).

 She really hurt me and I can be a bit stubborn. I’m one of those people that once you burned that bridge its really really hard to rebuild (not proud of this). She too has struggled with fertility her and her husband have been trying for almost 3 years. It has been hard not to share what I’ve been going through with her even though we both had very different opinions about treatment and adoption.

We were recently were put on the same committee at work to help with employee events/parties/fundraisers etc. To say it’s been awkward would be an understatement. Yesterday we had an event that we had to work together alone. (enter anxiety) The first few hours we didn’t say much we both kept are selves pretty busy. Than we had to man our table and there was nothing really to do. We sat in awkward silence that felt like forever. As we were sitting we were both so kindly asked “how that baby making thing going?” by a co-worker. We got married months between each other and both have been asked this question at work more than we would like to count.  It funny how some people think they are entitled to your personal business!

Our conversation then turned to fertility. (This got me nervous) We had talked about this before and she thought it was ridiculous to spend all the money on fertility treatment (she is going in for an HSG next week). She had told me before she didn’t see why people didn’t just adopt. I always thought this was odd coming from someone that was trying to conceive herself. Her opinion hasn’t changed much. When I finally told her we are about to start IVF she looked at me puzzled and said what about your house? When we had last talked we were looking for our first home boy how a year can change things.

I told her DH and I would rather rent a home and have little one running around rather than own a home right now with just the two of us. I told her that we have forever to buy a home we don’t have that time to make a baby. I’m pretty sure she rolled her eyes at me. Then she asked me about adoption. I told her that at the moment that isn’t something we were open to and if years down the road God opens are heart to adoption than that’s what will do. That’s pretty much were the conversation ended I could tell she didn’t agree and it bothered me. Well it hurt!

I know it’s not anyone’s place to understand what I’m going through but, for a women struggling with infertility to look at me like I was crazy stung a little. I know this process can have a roller coaster of emotions and I’m not sure what stage she is at I tried not to let it bother me but, its hard not to take it personal.