In sickness or health,for richer or poorer....

A week ago I thought that today we would be at USC Fertility picking up  Meds and taking our IVF education class. I wish I could say I wasn’t disappointed this morning but, that wouldn’t be the truth. I am disappointed but, I also have new found hope and faith.

This last week I have asked God on countless occasions WHY?  I didn’t get that answer but, he reminded how blessed I already am.

Nick and I got married a little over three years ago I don’t think either of us thought our vows would be tested so early on.

Since we have been married I couldn’t even begin to count the number of doctor’s appointment Nick has sat through with me. Very soon I will be having my second surgery since we have been married.  Unfortunately we are also dealing with all the financial struggles that IVF has brought with it. He works so hard to be a good provider. We had been so good at saving whatever we could to finally be able to buy our own home. But unfortunately this process is going to drain our entire savings and then some. At the moment we are living through the “poorer” end of our vows.

Through this entire process Nick has been our better half we all know the saying “OPPOSITE ATTRACK”. This is the case with me and Nick. I can be a bit loud/emotional/crazy/insane just to list a few. But not Nick he is Mr. Cool, calm and collective he doesn’t get worked up to often. He always has a level head. He puts on a brave face thru every one of those doctors visits and reminds me that we always find a way when dealing with our financial issues. I was reminded again of how great he was last week.

We have only let a handful of people know what had decided to go with IVF. When our cycle was canceled I eventually had to let the “chosen” few know. Unfortunately I felt like I was letting each of them down . They were all very sympathetic and supportive. I seemed to hear the same thing from most of them “It happened for a reason. It’s going to be OK, don’t get yourself to upset its not good for you.”

I do believe that this happened for a reason. Why? I don’t know but, to tell me not to be upset. I’ve always been told I’m “emotional” but doesn’t this give me a little pass to be emotional? If I want to cry I think I can cry. I mean if there was an off button to my emotions I would have pushed it a long time ago.

Thankfully there is Nick, my Rock! Last Friday I just couldn’t take being at work. I was feeling to overwhelmed and just plan sad. I went home jumped into my PJ’s and cried when Nick came home from work he didn’t say a word he just laid there with me and cried. It was really all I could have asked for. I didn’t need him to fix it or to tell me it was going to be ok.

 I think at times I forget we are going on this Journey together. When we both finally gathered ourselves he looked at me and said “I married you! I didn’t marry you plus babies of course I want babies with you but, if you are the only family I get I am a lucky man.” It meant so much to me to hear those words and he was right we are so lucky to have each other. Not everyone is lucky enough to feel loved unconditionally and I know when times get tough he isn’t going anywhere were going to fight through them together. I was given a great partner in life and I know we will be able to get thru this together. God knew this journey of creating a family wasn’t going to be easy for me so he sent me my Mr. Perfect to make it a little easier.